Also, apparently my link to a Terra Naomi song really touched my friend Kristen, so here's another one, Smile. If there's any song that's prettier but more sad, I don't know what it is. Sometimes, for me at least, there's the comfort of a sad song. Call it wallowing in a little self-pity if you want to, but when you're sad, someone else singing about sadness can be quite a balm on the spirit.
I've been thinking a lot about my dad, as my son's birth approaches, and thinking about what I really remember about him. And what I want to remember about him. We had our issues. Sometimes, as I got older, he couldn't really see me standing in front of him, instead he would see some reflection of himself as he was at my age. When he was a teenager, before he ever became an Episcopal priest, for some time (I'm not sure how long) he was an atheist (or so he told me, and this seemed to cause quite a rift between himself and his father). Needless to say, he didn't remain one. Anyway, he found my skepticism of what you might call Christological issues bewildering, I think. At least he interpreted this by thinking that I was an atheist, which was the furthest thing from the truth. I found, and in some ways still do, find it hard to discuss my deepest thoughts about the divine with other people (And not especially helpful, I have found. The Buddha was remarkably silent on the subject of divine or spiritual beings, and seems to have thought that the subject was beside the point.) I have always FELT a very strong sense of a divine nature in life, a sense of deep connection, and, at the time, when I was a Christian, I interpreted this as a mystical connection with Christ (which makes his thinking I was an atheist kind of funny). But I don't think that this sense of mystical oneness or a feeling of a divine immanent presence necessarily means anything that most religions think that it means. We had our differences, my dad and me. We'll put it at that. But I always knew that he loved me.
So, anyway, memories. I remember, when I was a kid, going fishing with my dad. It wasn't always that fun, the act itself. But it was fun to go fishing with my dad. Because I was hanging out with my dad. And I knew I was special, because my dad wanted to spend time with me. So I think I need to start fishing again.
Kid's gonna need a fishing pole too. Eventually.